Qualifications for writing this blog:
45 years of researching ways that don’t work.
9 months of researching the fool-proof way that works every time. Guaranteed. And not just with romantic partners – with offspring, friends, colleagues, family, clients, bosses…
First, the ways that don’t work:
- trying to become your idea of what they want
- playing games, playing hard to get
- giving yourself up to them
- trying to get them to change
- whining, crying, shouting, needling, begging, cajoling, tantrums, gifts, tricks, new clothes, sulking, manipulating, bribery… ad infinitum.
So what does work? How on earth do you get anyone in the world to fall in love with you?
Answer: you go on an adventure into reality.
Let me tell you about this adventure.
Firstly, you distinguish between what is real (the principles of gravity, thought, consciousness, intelligence) and what is made up of thinking, opinions and beliefs (almost everything else).
As you explore this distinction you realise that everything you think about yourself and about other people is based on beliefs that can change from one minute to another. With this insight, these beliefs lose their power over you and start to slip away.
Less cluttered by beliefs and thoughts about who you are, your mind expands.
You realise that it is only your thoughts and beliefs that stop you from seeing another person clearly. And when these disappear what is left? A simple, profound love for that other human being. The more clearly you see someone the more you fall in love with them, exactly as they are.
At the same time, any thoughts about what you need from other people in order to be happy or how they must be in order for you to love them start to seem ridiculous. You are happy already. You want nothing from anyone.
As your mind clears even further, you realise that the reason you are happy all the time is simply because you are made of unconditional love.
So you walk around in love with the world and with everyone in your life. Unless your thoughts tell you otherwise. And, because this loving state is becoming so natural, blissful and easy for you, there is no desire in you to entertain those thoughts. They pass through quickly.
Then you have a shocking insight – you realise suddenly that it is exactly the same for everyone else. The only thing stopping other people from living in this same deep love of life is what they are thinking and believing. Just as you experience, on and off, day in day out, in yourself.
You realise that underneath the mental chatter, they, just like you, are pure unconditional love. They love you, they just don’t yet live from that knowledge all the time or even some of the time. And because you don’t need anything from them you can bask in the knowledge of that love without wanting to change what they think about you in any way.
And so there you are, deeply in love with the person you are with, loving and appreciating them exactly as they are. With you they realise their simple perfection. They feel this in the depths of their being. You are the safest, most beautiful space for them because you are them.
There is no possibility they could not be in love with you.