Blog

Let’s go all the way

You know how when things get started and it’s amazing and it carries on and it is even more amazing and you’re thinking ‘keep going’ and then suddenly it stops and you’re a bit, ‘…???’ You know that? That’s what we’re talking about today. And we’re talking about it in...

How to change the world

There is only one way to change the world. There is only one way to change any other individual. There is only one way to change any system or address any issue or correct any injustice. There is only one way and it can happen in an instant or take a lifetime. The...

The commentary box

“And here she comes up on the left side. She’s had a bad season so she probably doesn't have it in her. Plus she’s been eating too many wispa bars and so she’s not going to even fit in the dress she bought for the event this weekend. AND she’s going to it on her own...

Doormat

  I coach from the understanding that the reality we live in is a projection. That our entire experience of self, life, other and world is created in thought. This means there is nothing ‘out there’ there to deal with.  There is just a creation from a state of mind....

‘Be Yourself!’ ‘OK but who the hell am I?’

Authenticity is a big buzz word. “Be yourself” we keep getting told. And that would be great of course… if we knew who we are. The more I coach people and the more I explore the nature of the self and reality and our understanding of ourselves, the clearer it is to me...

Who takes the bins out in your house?

[Disclaimer: this isn’t an article about male and female jobs because we all moved way beyond that long ago didn’t we..? Didn’t we…?] After decades of searching for a solution to anxiety, confusion and general ill-at-ease-ness, I came across something called (among...

When Perfect met Potential.

Harry and Sally. A man and a woman, opposite in every way, on paper resolutely incompatible. To begin with they are unable to even be in the same room without arms folding, eyes rolling, doors slamming. Yet, as they get to know each other, it is obvious: they are...

Thank you

There was a girl, let’s call her Everygirl, who thought that she wasn’t OK. She thought she was missing something. She felt lonely, scared, inadequate. She believed what she thought about who she was. She thought that there was something wrong with her. She thought...

The new integrity

There is a revolution underway that is changing every aspect of the way we understand reality and the way our minds create it. It is an ancient revolution because in the oldest cultural, religious, philosophical and academic texts from all over the world we find...

What do you need?

Have you thought recently how you don’t need anything? No me neither. In fact, I need a LOT of things. I need my health for a start. I need to be alive obviously. I need the people I love to be alive of course. And I need them to love me and to tell me they love me. I...

New Year. New You? No you?

My Facebook feed has been full of people promising to make me the best I can be - happier, wealthier, fitter, more attractive, more successful, more popular. They are coming to the right place because a lot of the time I believe I need to be better and have more. I...

Living the Dream

I’m a coach. A life coach. I earn my living from helping people with their life. Which would be great. If I had the slightest idea what ‘life’ is. Because whatever way we look at it, the life we are living is an apparition, created from moment to moment within our...

How do I get down from an elephant?

When I was about ten, I had a joke book and in the book was this: ‘How do I get down from an elephant? And the answer was: ‘You don’t. You get down from a duck’. Bloody hell. That joke mystified me. I could not work it out. I asked my sister. It mystified her too. We...

The other side of the full stop.

If you are like me, there might be something along these lines going on in the back of your mind: I am exploring the understanding of how we experience life in order to make my life better. I am reflecting on the illusion of money in order to make earning it more...

The mid air moment (or why we can’t cross a chasm in two jumps)

A revolution in our understanding of human well-being, resilience and resolve is gathering pace in business, sport, therapy, prisons, healthcare, psychiatry…. Those of us working in this area witness daily the tremendous transformation when an individual realises that...

Hell is other people

‘L’enfer, c’est les autres’, is a line in Sartre’s play ‘No Exit’. Hell is other people. In a typical week in my coaching practice, on social media, in the headlines, in opinion polls, in agony columns, in my own life, family and marriage, this is confirmed over and...

We paved paradise and put up a parking lot

Imagine paradise. Not the regular paradise of hammocks and sunsets and pina coladas. But a paradise way way beyond that, a melting. merging energetic intensity, formless and fluid. Abstract as love. Eternal as infinity. Indefinable as space. The abundant, creative...

Lost Season Two

You know how at the start of each episode of Lost there was the floating title and the dramatic voice over saying ‘Previously on Lost…’ and a recap of the highlights to date. Well for people who are starting to see the inside out nature of their experience more...

Bypass?

I wrote an article exploring how we can understand endemic sexual harassment in relation to the fact that our experience of life is through thought in the moment. I looked at the fact that people do terrible things and how that relates to the central principle of my...

Me too…. All of us…. No damage

Hundreds of thousands of people are posting the words ‘me too’ on social media to say they have been sexually harassed or violated. I have my own examples, my own times of shock, fear, embarrassment, pain and intrusion. Yet the coaching I practice is based on an...

Look me in the eye

Look me in the eye. That was what our Mum used to say when all the biscuits had been eaten and my sister and I, crumbs around our faces, would be looking off to the side in casual innocence. And we wouldn’t be able to. Looking her in the eye would mean that it would...

No victims. No victim blaming. Just clarity.

A few people I know have been told recently by various institutions or counsellors that they are victims of abuse. They have sought help because they are feeling scared and helpless. A well-meaning person, wanting to do the best for them provides a comforting label:...

A new normal

What is your normal? I remember the first one very clearly. Sitting on the grass of in the back garden of my house with my best friend from school. It was awful. Retchingly, wretchedly awful. That smoke hitting the throat, the coughing, the gasping for oxygen, the...

Yoga does a lot of things but it can’t make you happy, calm or relaxed

A friend and student in my yoga class arrived in the class really hassled. ‘God I’m so busy. I’m rushing from one thing to the next and I left the house an absolute tip.’ She did the class and went home. I bumped into her the next morning. She said with wide eyes ‘Its...

The unbearable discomfort of the comfort zone

One of the obvious and inevitable outcomes of seeing more clearly that our experience is created by thought in the moment is that we become increasingly comfortable with feeling uncomfortable. All of those thoughts that used to floor me before still come and go, I...

100% custody. 0% control. What…?

Imagine that you are driving and you bump another car. The other driver gets out of the car in full rage. You have no control over what this driver will do. She is a separate human being. She could do anything. You also have no control over the thoughts that appear in...

Road signs for the mind

Flow is an excellent thing. Whether it is the flow of love. ideas, laughter, champagne, poetry, streams, products, good will, conversation, energy, money, oxygen, rivers, wildebeest, juices, writing, air, electricity, offers... Or, for those of us who might be...

The most sane I’ve ever been was when I was the most mad.

We needed IVF to have our children. For the second pregnancy, having tried every other conceivable (or, rather, not) option, we went to a controversial clinic in London (so controversial it had been investigated on BBC’s Panorama, not generally a good way to choose...

More to see.

Here's a little questionnaire for you: Do you spend your time with the people that deep down in your soul you know you are here to spend time with? Do you delight in listening in to the wisdom that guides you moment to moment? Do you act on this wisdom to create,...

Beyond ‘wev’ and ‘sfs’: the infinite creative potential.

I had a client recently who was telling me about his wife tightly managing everything in their lives - their finances, food, clothes, holidays... . He said 'she's so controlling about everything it makes me stressed and then I just want to just forget about it all and...

No choice: delusion, illusion, inspiration

Do we have a choice about what we do? Do we have free will? It seems to me that the answer is of course we do and obviously we don't. Here's how I got to that helpful clarification 1. The delusion of no choice  As long as we believe that our thoughts accurately...

The Pacts of Life

Seduce, persuade, condition, influence, convert, win over, entice, brainwash, force, intimidate, bully, goad, incite, indoctrinate, encourage, disappoint, motivate, tempt, enrage, inspire, trigger, press buttons, excite, frighten, reassure, convince, delight… So many...

Never enough. Too much. Anything. This.

I have come to see that the most powerful realisation we can ever have is that we experience the world through our thoughts. It is a game of life changer of the hugest proportions. This is what I have seen about the two inevitable outcomes when we believe the world...

Mental space: the final frontier

I've been seeing a few articles recently about the additional mental load that women tend to carry in relation to the household. It has been described as 'the invisible load that drags women down'. Sociologist Susan Waltzer was one of the first people to document it...

The Table

The coaching I do is based on the understanding that everything in our life is experienced through thought. In other words we are living 24/7 in a subjective world, a personal world created entirely through our minds. The world outside that looks so real is actually...

Their fault. My fault. Default. (From victim to villain to vital).

I coach, write and speak in order to share what I have seen about our experience of life and how we can thrive. I do this because I spent decades looking for a way to feel better about myself and less anxious and I have stumbled on what I believe is the simplest truth...

You are so much more and less important than you think

I need to tell you this. You are far less important in this whole thing than you think. You are also way more important than you could ever possibly imagine. And the reasons why you are not important and and the reasons why you are vitally important mean life can be a...

The Breadcrumb Club

A few years ago, I found myself in a state of total overwhelm. My head was in chaos. I couldn't sleep or really eat. I couldn't pretend to be my normal self with friends so I avoided company.  I was shaking, exhausted and low. I was looking into the future and all I...

What is psychological well-being?

My coach, Michael Neill, told me about a woman he had spoken to who had been in Nepal at the time of a major earthquake. She told him that she had had a sudden revelation that although she was in grave physical danger, the situation had no bearing on her psychological...

The everyday misunderstanding of being human

This week is mental health awareness week. It’s a good week therefore to consider how we all have moments of misunderstanding that can cause us to believe either that there is something wrong with us or that there is something that we have to fix in the world to be...

Replicator or convertor? 

Which are you? A human photocopier or a device to change energy from one form into another?  Let me explain... I was on a writing workshop recently with the beyond amazing Steve Chandler and Michael Neill. During one part of the workshop we took it in turns to talk...

The search for happiness (and other ways to ruin your life)

What if happiness was utterly, absolutely, unarguably irrelevant? How can that be? Surely the whole point of life is to find what makes you happy and keep doing it? Isn't our purpose here on earth to enjoy being here on earth? Otherwise what...? Why...? I totally...

The passive aggressive present

The passive-aggressive present. This was the title of a post on a chat forum that I read recently. The writer of the post said that a few days before her birthday, her ex-husband had dropped off a present. She opened it. Inside was a pair of slippers. The woman saw...

The uncontainable lightness of being

I'm sitting here in a room listening to a recovered addict and someone who has contemplated suicide. They are filling the room with light. Many of us fumble our way through the darkness and use the few seconds of a struck match to watch shadows turn into monsters....

‘wisssssdom’ or Wisdom?

A while ago, an idea popped into my head to do a public talk. Almost instantly, thoughts crowded in to rubbish it. They were soothing, matter of fact and as reassuring as the snake in the Jungle Book. 'What if no one comesssss, Clare? You could make a fool out of...

Marketing the unmarketable

I asked Garret Kramer, one of the world’s top sports coaches what he promises teams and individuals. He replied: “I assure clients love, support and a resolute point within. Other than that: zilch.” Wow. I said. Because shit where do you go with that as a coach? I...

How to get what you want – 80s disco style

  When I was about 14 in the mid 80s, there was a disco every Tuesday evening (Tuesday!) in St Luke's Church Hall. There would be a DJ, a in retrospect, slightly spotty, excessively hair-gelled youth devastatingly gorgeous adonis there up on a little platform, two...

Donald Trump: a conversation with Reality.

Clare's thoughts: Donald Trump is terrifying. He could destroy the world. He could be the Hitler of the 21st Century. Reality: You know that he is just a figment of your imagination don't you? You do know that everything you are thinking about him is made up? And that...

The Empty Vessel (but what a vessel…)

I have a client who I speak to on the phone. I have never met her in person. I look forward to her calls in the way my four year old looks forward to Christmas. What will it be this time? What joke or warm comment or beautiful insight or humble confession will I hear...

The only reliable navigation system

Something weird has happened over this last year. Every single one of the means I used to navigate my world has shown itself to be utterly unreliable. As all of these previously vital systems gradually left my life, I was briefly like someone wandering in the middle...

Mousy-locks and the two bears.

Once upon a time there was a beautiful young girl with long golden hair. Well... an average looking 35 year old with shortish brown hair. Her name was Mousy-locks. Mousy-locks worked in marketing. She wasn't particularly confident at the best of times. Speaking in...

The Minimal Maximal Life

I love minimalism. I once bought five books on it in one go. (That sounds like a joke. I wish it was. No idea, until I'd read the first one, of the sad irony.) The idea of simplicity, of doing with less, of creating space in our living environment is beginning to take...

The projection room

I was sitting in an elegant drawing room of an iconic London hotel. I was with 12 outstanding professionals hosted by two of the world's most influential coaches. We were talking about projection. About how everything we experience comes from the inside out. How the...

The end of stress. Even when it seems like the end of the world.

The coaching I do is based on the understanding that we experience everything through thought. We cannot experience anything directly. However real it seems, it is always perceived through our state of mind in that moment. Our state of mind changes from one moment to...

What's the point, anyway?

What is the point of life? I'm asking this because, well, useful to know. And also as a coach who is supposed to help people get better at this life business, I would like to know what I am doing. Until quite recently I was on a very clear, logical journey. The point...

What’s the point, anyway?

What is the point of life? I'm asking this because, well, useful to know. And also as a coach who is supposed to help people get better at this life business, I would like to know what I am doing. Until quite recently I was on a very clear, logical journey. The point...

If it's just my thinking, I should stay here, right?

I'm lying on a bed, locked in a remote house with an obsessed fan who is about to destroy my legs. You could come and talk to me about how everything is experienced through thought. But to be honest, that wouldn't be massively helpful at the moment. What I'd find most...

If it’s just my thinking, I should stay here, right?

I'm lying on a bed, locked in a remote house with an obsessed fan who is about to destroy my legs. You could come and talk to me about how everything is experienced through thought. But to be honest, that wouldn't be massively helpful at the moment. What I'd find most...

I'm terrified. How awful / amazing / neutral.

On Monday evening, I'll be giving a talk on what I have learned about how people can easily start living the joyful, peaceful, creative and loving life they are designed to live. The simple fact that I am giving a talk is all the evidence I need of how this works. For...

I’m terrified. How awful / amazing / neutral.

On Monday evening, I'll be giving a talk on what I have learned about how people can easily start living the joyful, peaceful, creative and loving life they are designed to live. The simple fact that I am giving a talk is all the evidence I need of how this works. For...

What is true transformation?

What has the end of stress got to do with learning to play the violin? What has learning to play the violin got to do with being able to read books that before seemed too hard? What has reading three books a week got to do with having much much more fun? What has...

The stress test – how to know you are in your full power

I have a wonderful new client who came to me with some goals that she wanted to work on through coaching. Not so unreasonable you might be thinking. And a couple of months ago I would have jumped right into the goals with her, making sure they were SMART and all the...

Creating reality

Recently I've been wondering about what in my life is fixed and unchanging. There are the walls of my house. There is the physical reality of gravity keeping my feet on the ground (literally, at least, if not metaphorically). There is the fact that I have a body and a...

Start Here with the Two Realisations That Make All the Difference

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